if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
