living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
She used the word "fragged" in proper context. tell me that's not bust-nut hot.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
