The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
