At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I believe in your delicious
Do you have feelings for this penis?
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
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