Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
