I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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