when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
