I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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