Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
