Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
