Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
