I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
