turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize