Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
