Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
