How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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