he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Randomize
