I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
