I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
