i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
