Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
