Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
