I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
