I like my sex mixed with concussions.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Randomize
