it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
