Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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