I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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