I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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