I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
we're so committed to being not committed
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