I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
