I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Randomize
