I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
