i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
