There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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