Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
