He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize