He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
