everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
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