So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
