stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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