So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
