Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
Randomize
