I need to stop coming to work sober
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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