I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
New. Vanessa hudgens nude pics
That text made me feel like i signed up for some awesome celeb nude pic reminder
Also, on a completely related note, just came up with an awesome business plan. You in?
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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