when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
