it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
