CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
Randomize
