You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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