The maid of honor just puked.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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