Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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