so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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