I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
