I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Houston, we have a squirter
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
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