I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
YOU DON'T JUST GET TO CALL AND SAY YOU MIGHT BE DEAD, THEN NOT ANSWER!
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
