I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Randomize
