she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
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