Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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