The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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