You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
