I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
