Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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