Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
