at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
