Screwed.edu
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
not ubering you a puppy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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