Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
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