i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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