i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
