So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
I had to cum in my sink.
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