Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
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