I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
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