she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
