You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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