She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
She's writing hockey erotica again.
Tell her to pick another team besides ours this time.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
