my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
