I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
