Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
