I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
