There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
