I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
