where am i from again
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
Randomize
