Rock
Scissors
Fuck
kristin has been a bad kristin
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
Randomize
